Every birthmother who makes the decision to place her child for adoption comes to that decision for different reasons that are unique to her situation. For every mother considering this difficult choice, Building Blocks Adoption Service has trained counselors who are here to help however we can. Whether it’s working through reasons for considering adoption or answering any questions about how adoption works, we lend our endless support to all birthmothers. While your situation will be unique to you, here are some of the most common reasons birthmothers decide to place their children for adoption.
Financially Unable to Provide for a Child
One reason many birthmothers give for considering adoption is they are financially unable to provide for their child. Any number of circumstances can contribute to a birthmother not being able to financially provide for her child. In fact, the rising cost of having and supporting children has led the US birthrate to decline to the lowest we’ve seen in 32 years. In some cases, a birthmother is already raising other children when she finds herself unexpectedly pregnant, and she must grapple with whether or not she will be able to provide for another child. In some cases, a birthmother is in the midst of trying to parent her child when she realizes she cannot financially support herself and her child. No matter the age or circumstances, when a birthmother places her child for adoption because she is financially unable to support her child, she is performing the ultimate act of motherly love by giving her child a life she would not otherwise be able to provide.
Relationship Instability with the Birthfather
The relationship with the birthfather is often a big contributing factor to a birthmother’s decision to place her child for adoption. Unless she wants to and is able to raise the child on her own as a single mother, she will need the birthfather to be involved, either to help financially or contribute to the upbringing of the child. Whether her relationship with the birthfather is unstable or non-existent, a birthmother often considers how parenting the child with him will affect the child, even when she anticipates the birthfather will be entirely uninvolved in raising the child. It is common for birthmothers to consider adoption rather than raising the baby as a single-mother or working through having a permanent connection to the birthfather.
Lack of a Support System
Having a strong support system when beginning a family is important. For birthmothers who do not have a strong support system, this is one of the biggest reasons they decide to place their child for adoption. If a birthmother does not have the support from a partner, friends or family to help her through the difficulties of raising a child, being a parent may feel impossible for her. Some birthmothers come to us feeling like choosing adoption in such a situation is “giving up,” but in actuality, providing for a child through adoption when a mother knows she will not have the support she will need to raise a child is the most selfless act of love. It is recognizing what her child needs and providing for them the best way she can.
Unable to Provide for a Child with Special Needs
Due to the advances in medicine, we are able to determine much earlier when a baby will be born with special needs. Whether because of her financial situation or due to a limited support network, a birthmother may decide to place her child for adoption because she is unable to provide for a child with special needs. Knowing the baby will have needs she will not be able to meet, a birthmother who makes the decision to place her child for adoption is truly offering her child the best chance, making the ultimate sacrifice a mother can make for the love of her baby. A special needs adoption allows the birthmother the comfort of knowing her child will be placed with a family that can provide the care and support they will need to lead a happy and healthy life.
Suffered from Abuse or Rape
Under the most tragic circumstances, some women who suffer sexual assault find themselves pregnant and in the difficult position of deciding between terminating the pregnancy or carrying it to term. This is an unimaginable decision for any woman to have to make even under less tragic circumstances. Nearly 3 million women have suffered a rape-related pregnancy in the US, and some of them decide the most positive outcome is to place the child for adoption.
Not Ready to be a Parent
Regardless of her age or position in life, some women become pregnant and realize they are just not ready to be a parent. Maybe she feels she’s too young to be a mother or she is just beginning to get a foothold on her budding career, maybe she is grappling with personal issues, like addition or depression, and recognizes she would be ill-equipped for being a mother at this time. Regardless of the reasons a birthmother feels she is not ready to be a parent, making this realization and then deciding to place her child for adoption is one of the most loving and positive things a birthmother can do for her child.
If you are pregnant and considering adoption, Building Blocks Adoption Service is here to help you sort through your decision, whatever the reason, and walk beside you on this journey. Our trained counselors are here to talk with you and answer any questions you may have.